Thankful yet Shaken

Thanksgiving Break was exactly what I needed to refresh, recharge, and reflect on the things that are important in my life.  As I get older, I feel more aware of life and how quickly it can change.  I loved having 5 days to hold those dear to me close and think about how beautiful my life is.  I am blessed to have an incredible husband and baby.  Our families are wonderful and supportive and we couldn't ask for better parents and siblings.  They love us and Ethan with their everything and for that I am thankful. 

Anyone that knows us personally would know that this past year, Mike has made a big commitment to eat right and workout.  He started with a personal trainer, got super strict with his diet, and overall, made healthy choices about his lifestyle.  Right now, he is probably in the best physical shape of his life and although it is easy for me to roll my eyes when people say, "WOW Mike, how much weight have you lost," I am so very proud of him.  I wish I had his determination and will...he really sticks to something when he gets going.

It is amazing how fast life can change.  On Thanksgiving evening (well actually Friday morning since it was after midnight), Mike's personal trainer, was crossing the road and was struck and killed by a drunk driver.  He was only 26 years old.  Mike worked out with him on Wednesday and he was gone on Friday morning.  Pretty unbelievable...and Mike took it pretty hard.  Anyone that has had a trainer understands the incredibly close relationship you have, especially after a year.  A trainer is someone who sees you at your worst and motivates you though it all.  He helped Mike meet his goals and I know Mike really appreciated him not only as a trainer, but as a friend.

My heart just feels so heavy for this kid and his family.  We went to the visitation and it was just unreal.  When you go to a visitation for an older person, you see pictures of their life.  Their marriage and their kids.  Their family vacations and reunions.  You see that person grow older in their pictures.  But when you go to a young person's visitation, you see baby pictures.  You see homecoming and prom pictures.  You see pictures with friends at bars and parties.  You see a life that has not yet been lived.  And THAT was hard to take in.

And I can't help but thinking about the drunk driver.  Another life that is ruined.  He was 26 years old and made one bad decision that will haunt him for the rest of his life.  He will be in jail for a long time.  Did he have a job? a wife?  a kid?  I have no clue what his blood alcohol level was at the time of the accident...was he blacked out or just have one beer too many?  How many of us have made that same mistake of getting behind the wheel after a dinner, happy hour, or party?  It is terrifying and the consequences are forever. 

A long post to say, that this is a story and feeling that I can't quite shake.  I think it really stems back to this...I don't want Ethan to grow up.  I don't want him to be a 26 year old that could be (and will be) crossing the street late at night.  I don't want him to be a 26 year old that gets behind the wheel (or in the backseat) after he's had a few beers.  At the end of the day, we cannot keep our children locked inside.  I remember always hearing that having a child means that you have your heart walking outside of your body.  It is true.  I can't imagine Ethan going off to the college.  But I guess for now, I need to stop worrying about the future and the horrible things that can happen in this world, and instead, continue to hold my baby close and count my many blessings.